When you’re a parent of a toddler, sleep becomes something almost mythical. You remember it fondly, as if it were a dream you once had but now seems completely out of reach.
And if you’re the parent of a toddler around 15 months, like me, and suddenly wondering why bedtime feels like a battlefield where your wife and you are always on the losing side, welcome to the 15-month sleep regression. Yes, it's a thing, and no, it’s not here to make our lives easier. But don’t worry, it’s not forever – or at least that’s what they say.
So, what exactly is happening with your sweet, once-sleepy toddler who has now become a late-night party animal? The truth is, they’re hitting some major developmental milestones around this age. This is the time when many toddlers are learning to walk, talk, and assert their independence (read: throw tantrums when they don’t get to eat that napkin off the floor).
The excitement of learning to walk can lead to a lot of energy that needs to be burned off, and apparently, burning that energy off happens best at 3 a.m. Who knew?
Well, I guess our son hasn’t seen How I Met Your Mother and doesn’t yet know that nothing good ever happens after 2 am.
There are also important emotional milestones toddlers are hitting. They are starting to realize they’re their own little people with preferences and emotions, which sometimes means they don’t want to go to bed because they’re afraid they’ll miss out on something exciting (FOMO is real!) – like you finally folding that pile of laundry that’s been sitting on the sofa for two weeks. I think we can all agree that folded laundry is overrated, right?
And if you need specific signs that a sleep regression cycle is underway, here are some all-time favorites of my wife and me.
Suddenly waking up multiple times a night: Your once-solid sleeper is now waking up as if they’ve got an alarm clock set for every hour. And no, it’s not for a midnight snack.
Fighting bedtime like it’s their job: You’d think you were putting them to bed on a bed of nails the way they resist.
Napping issues: What nap? Your toddler may suddenly start skipping naps or taking shorter ones, leaving them cranky and overtired (and you, too).
Clinginess and separation anxiety: Your toddler might suddenly act like you’re leaving for a three-year expedition every time you walk out of the room. Sleep regression often coincides with separation anxiety, which makes them want to keep you close – especially at bedtime.
Okay, so now that we know what’s going on, what can we do to cope (read: not lose our minds)? The bad news is that you can’t really stop a sleep regression from happening (funny how that’s usually case).
But the good news (according to literature)? There are ways to cope and possibly minimize the impact. Here are two everyone seems to be talking about, but to be honest, most of the time it’s just about survival.
Stick to the routine (even when it feels pointless): Toddlers thrive on routine, even if they act like they don’t care about it. Keeping a consistent bedtime routine helps signal to your child that it’s time to wind down, even if they’ve suddenly decided that bedtime is “no fun.” Whether it’s a bath, a book, or a lullaby, stick to your usual process. The more predictable their routine is, the more it helps them realize it’s time to sleep. We are trying with a very consistent bath routine, which so far has had a very tiring and putting-to-sleep effect mostly on me…
Be patient (really?): This is way easier said than done, especially when you’re running on fumes and can’t remember the last time you slept through the night. But patience is supposedly your best friend here. Remember, this is just a phase (even though it feels like it’ll last forever). They’ll get through it, and so will you (or not, but then it’s someone else’s problem, so why worry?).
ChatGPT says sleep regressions are a normal part of development, and while it may be challenging now, it means our little ones are growing and learning – both presumably good things!
Toddler sleep regression can make you and your partner question everything – your parenting, your sanity, and whether toddlers have an internal party switch that turns on right when you think they’re asleep. But like all things parenting-related, and in Og Mandino’s words, this too shall pass. Before we know it, our little ones will supposedly be back to sleeping (mostly) through the night, and you’ll look back on these sleepless nights and laugh. Or at least, I seriously hope so, because we are indeed running on empty already.
Until then, keep the coffee brewing and try to hang in there. Remember to support each other and you got this. And if all else fails, just remember – in years, they’ll be the ones sleeping through alarms and we'll be the ones waking them up at 6 am, just because we can. Sweet payback.
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See you next week.
Best,
Dobri 🍃