Hey there,
Wow, it’s suddenly Friday again. I can’t believe it’s been another week, and January is almost over. I feel like we just had New Years yesterday. Am I the only one?!
So, now that all the holidays are finally behind us and we don’t have to listen to Mariah Carey 74 times a day on the radio, I’ve been thinking about relationships with friends and family, and something’s been bothering me. I was thinking about it around Christmas and started noticing it all the time.
We are all conditioned by society and mass media to constantly apologize for our feelings. And what’s even worse, we have all been quietly looped into shaming each other about our feelings, essentially perpetuating this constant need to apologize for what we think and feel, as well as constant expectations that the person in front of us will also apologize for everything they say (or even think) at the slightest sign that we do not agree with their sentiment.
The more I thought about this, the more I started to see it all around me. And if you take a closer look, it looks so unnatural.
You know how there’s a bunch of waves in the ocean? Like billions to trillions at any given time? Sometimes they are soft and calm, but sometimes they are loud and wild. But no matter how they show up and what damage they may cause, the ocean never goes, Oops, sorry about that!
The ocean simply is. It does what it does and everybody just accepts that. It’s nature.
Then why do we all act so unnatural and always feel like we need to apologize for our feelings (or get an apology for someone else’s)?
I don’t know about you, but I’ve caught myself saying sorry way more than I probably need to. Sometimes I say sorry when I’m upset, sorry when I’m quiet, sorry when I’m excited, sorry when I’m tired. Even when I’m just being myself, I feel this weird pull to apologize, as if my feelings might be too much or not enough for someone else. And the worst part is that I’ve also caught myself expecting others to do so as well.
But why? Why do we feel the need to say sorry for how we feel, when feelings are just a part of being human? And why have we become so touchy that we need everyone else to apologize for everything as well?
Think about it – feelings are like waves. They come and go. Some are big and overwhelming, and others are small and barely noticeable. But they’re all natural, right? Just like waves belong to the ocean, feelings belong to us. They’re part of who we are. So why should we feel bad about them?
I think part of it is that we’ve been taught to keep things under control, to keep our cool. You know the drill. Don’t be too angry, don’t cry too much, don’t get too excited, be polite, stay calm, and keep your feelings neat and tidy.
Honestly, I call bull on that! Feelings are messy. They don’t fit into little boxes, and they’re not supposed to.
Here’s the thing that bothers me the most. Apologizing for your feelings doesn’t make them go away, right? It doesn’t make you feel any better, either. If anything, it can make you feel worse (and most of the time, it does), like you’re somehow wrong for having these feelings in the first place. And we can all agree that’s just not fair, is it?
So, what if, instead of apologizing, we let ourselves feel? What if we give ourselves permission to crash like waves when we need to? Granted, we can’t go on a rampage, we still have to consider that we exist as part of society. But, as long as we’re not hurting anyone, why not be loud or quiet, happy or sad, cry or laugh, or even a mix of everything all at once?
The ocean doesn’t hold back its waves because someone might not like them. And we don’t expect it to, either. In fact, many people love the ocean mostly because of its waves. The wild ones, the calm ones, the ones that come out of nowhere and surprise us. They’re all beautiful in their own way.
So maybe it’s time we start thinking of ourselves the same way. Maybe we can be a little kinder to ourselves and let our feelings flow without slapping a sorry on them.
And here’s something else to think about. When you let yourself feel without apologizing, you’re not just being honest with yourself – you’re also giving the people around you permission to do the same. You’re saying, Hey, it’s okay to be human. It’s okay to have waves. That’s a pretty powerful thing, isn’t it? But, please don’t say it out loud, others may find it weird if you start talking about waves out of the blue!
And I’m not saying it’s easy. Because it’s not. Most of this apologizing happens on the inside, in our minds, making it much more difficult to stop.
However, I decided that I personally will keep working on it. So, the next time you feel like apologizing for your feelings, you can take a deep breath and remind yourself that the ocean doesn’t say sorry for its waves. And you don’t have to say sorry for yours, either. After all, feelings aren’t flaws. They’re just waves (as we’ve thoroughly established) – sometimes ginormous, sometimes miniscule, but always a part of the big, beautiful ocean that is you!
That’s all I had for today. Thanks for reading and sharing with friends and family. It helps me grow and reach more people.
Catch you next week,
Dobri 🍃