Hey there,
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the times I’ve stayed quiet. You know, those moments when you feel something strong – maybe anger, or pain, or even love – but for some reason, you just don’t say it. You hold it in. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe you’re worried you’ll mess it up, or say the wrong thing, or that the words won’t come out right. And then, later, you think about it. You wonder if staying silent was the right choice.
Or maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe you do say something. You speak without thinking, or with too much emotion. And then you go home, lie in bed, and feel that twist in your stomach. That feeling of, “Why did I say that?” It could be something small, like a joke that didn’t land, or something bigger, like words that hurt someone close. And then you wish you could turn back time and hold your tongue for one more minute.
What do you think? Is it better to say nothing, or to say something you might regret?
I wish there was an easy answer, some kind of a rule. But there’s nothing like that, so I wanted to share how I’ve been thinking about it lately. I think silence can be safe, but it can also be a missed chance (hello, Captain Obvious). And saying something can sometimes be risky but also quite freeing. It depends, of course. On the setting, the moment, the person, the feeling. But more and more, I find myself leaning toward speaking up – even if it scares me a little.
There was this moment a while ago with someone I care about. I felt hurt by something they said, and I stayed quiet. I told myself it wasn’t worth the trouble. I didn’t want to seem too sensitive. But after that, I carried it around. Not just the hurt, but the silence. And the silence started to feel heavier than the hurt itself. Days passed, and the moment felt further away, but it was still sitting with me. I realized that by not saying anything, I wasn’t protecting them or myself. I was just keeping everything stuck inside.
Then there was another time I said something in the heat of the moment. I was nervous and my voice shook a little, but I said what I felt. And even though it was hard, I felt lighter after. The other person didn’t get defensive. They just listened. And even though it wasn’t a big emotional breakthrough or anything like that, it was honest, and it felt real.
Now, I’m not saying we should say every thought that passes through our heads. Sometimes it really is better to take a breath, let the feeling pass, and move on. Not every moment needs a speech. But I do think we sometimes hide behind the justification of not wanting to have regrets to avoid the harder thing: being real with someone. Being open. Being a little bit vulnerable.
Regret is funny. We think we’ll regret saying something, but we forget how deeply we can regret not saying something, too. And, in my experience, those regrets tend to last longer. Because when you speak up, even if it’s messy, at least you gave it a shot. But silence can literally leave you wondering for years.
I think about people I’ve lost. Not in a dramatic way, just people I drifted away from. Friends I didn’t reach out to when I should have. Times I could’ve told someone I miss them or I’m sorry, or even just reach out to tell someone I’ve been thinking about them. But I didn’t. And now, those moments feel gone. Maybe I’ll reach out one day but there’s still this strange gap there, a space where words could’ve been.
There’s also power in admitting when we don’t have the right words. Saying that I don’t know what to say, but I want to try is something I’m trying to do more often. You don’t have to be perfect. Sometimes just showing up and being honest is more than enough.
I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to always say the right things. But saying something, even if it’s awkward, or unsure, can build connection. It shows others that you care and you're present. You might get it wrong, or you might say something you regret. But you can also fix it. You can follow up. You can say you thought about what you said earlier, and you want to say it better. Or you can say you’re sorry and didn’t mean it like that. In my experience, that kind of honesty can go a very long way.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to be braver. I want to risk saying the wrong thing sometimes if it means I’m being true to myself. I want to stop biting my tongue when something really matters. I want to learn from my mistakes, not hide from the possibility of making others.
If you’re ever stuck in that should-I-say-it moment, I hope you give yourself some grace. Stop, take a deep breath, and ask yourself whether you’ll carry this with you if you don’t say it. If the answer is yes, maybe it’s worth the risk. Maybe regret isn’t something you should avoid at all costs. Perhaps it’s just part of being a flawed human being. A sign that we’re trying, that we care.
Anyway, just my thoughts on this. I’m honestly still learning when to speak and when to stay quiet, and I’m still messing up more often than not. But I keep trying and I wanted to share this with you, in case you’ve asked the same question. You're not alone. We’re all just doing our best to say the right things, or at least, the real things.
Thanks for reading and for sharing the newsletter with your friends. It helps me grow and reach more people who might find value in what I have to share.
Till next week,
Dobri 🍃