Hey there,
Today I am asking a question that’s been on my mind lately:
Would I still feel the same about my choices if I knew nobody else would ever know about them?
Imagine it for a second. Every day, you make decisions, big and small. But now, imagine that no one will ever know what you picked. No one will know the job you chose, the things you spent money on, or even the small stuff like the songs you listen to in the shower or when no one’s around.
Would your choices change? Would you feel more relaxed, maybe even relieved, making those choices with no audience, no feedback, no judgment?
We all like to think our decisions come from within, right? After all, they’re our lives, our paths. But when I stopped to think about it, I realized how much of what I choose (everything from work decisions to weekend plans) feels like it’s somehow influenced by others. The subtle weight of society’s opinions, family expectations, or even what looks “cool” to friends can sneak into our heads.
For example, have you ever picked an outfit, looked in the mirror, felt great about it, and then thought, Wait, will everyone else think it looks good too? Or maybe you’ve been drawn to a hobby, a career path, or a place you want to live, but then wondered how it’d be perceived by those around you. Those examples are a bit extreme, but my point is that when we think others are watching, it adds a layer, almost like a filter, to our decisions.
But what if that layer was peeled away? What if we could choose without wondering, What will everyone think?
I’m really starting to feel like this question is worth exploring.
It’s actually bittersweet how the concept of an audience is always there, even if we don’t realize it. We think about who might be watching, who might see the end result, and how they’ll react. And sure, it’s human nature. Social cues help us connect and fit in, after all.
But when we imagine choices without that silent audience, we’re faced with our raw preferences. Like when nobody else is in the room, and you dance like a total goofball because it feels good (this coming from personal experience!). Or when you let yourself order what you really want instead of what feels like the right and healthy choice at the table. Without outside eyes, these decisions become honest glimpses into who we are and what we truly want.
I think back on some major choices in my life, and I wonder: Would I still make the same choice if nobody knew about it? It’s an odd but revealing question. Sure, some choices I’d still feel rock-solid about, but others… maybe I’d go a different route. Yep, definitely go a different route.
Imagine your career path, for example. So many of us make big life decisions based on what we think is expected, respectable, or impressive. Maybe it’s the career that looks good on LinkedIn or the path our families expected of us (children of physicians and lawyers probably know this best!). If nobody would ever know, would we be as excited about it?
Or how about big purchases, like a car or a home? People tend to choose things that signal something to others – a nice car for status, a trendy neighborhood to impress when friends come over. But if the car or apartment didn’t need to impress anyone, would you still pick it? Or would you look for something simpler, something that really works for you?
This isn’t to say we don’t enjoy nice things for ourselves. We do. Well, at least I do! But sometimes, removing that pressure to impress leaves space for choices that feel more like us, don’t you agree? It makes me think about how much we all carry a mental list of what’s acceptable or cool. When we set that list aside, even if just for a moment, our options can look totally different.
It’s not just the big stuff. This idea of an invisible audience creeps into the little choices, too. Think about it – would you wear the same clothes if no one was around? Or choose the same kind of coffee if you were the only one at the cafe? I know I wouldn’t!
Even on social media, we show carefully selected parts of our lives, the good angles, the fun moments. But off-camera, when it’s just us, the vibe is different. We can be a little messier, a little less together. Without an audience, it’s easier to be our truest selves.
As I’ve thought about this, I realize that if no one else ever knew, some choices would change. I’d probably wear different clothes to work, spend less time on certain hobbies, and definitely rethink some career choices. And maybe that’s not a bad thing. If we can practice asking ourselves Would I still want this if nobody knew? we might find that some of our true values and preferences start to creep in from the shadows.
It’s a bit like tuning out the noise to hear your own voice more clearly. No need to impress or keep up with others, just making choices because they make you happy.
I’m planning to test this out a little. Every week, I’m going to make one choice (big or small) just for me, as if nobody else will ever know about it. I’m not sure what those will be yet, but I want to see how it feels to really let go (and can I) of that invisible audience, if only for a moment.
And maybe I’ll try this out in other ways, too, as a reminder that we’re allowed to make choices that feel right, even if they don’t seem like the best or coolest option. Maybe there’s something worth exploring here, something freeing about choices that are truly ours. No idea, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot and wanted to share.
So, are you now curious too? If nobody else would ever know, would your choices stay the same? Or would you feel a little more freedom to to pick what you really want?
That’s all I have for this week. I hope it gets you curious about your choices. At the very least, it’s a fun thought experiment.
Thanks for reading and sharing the newsletter with friends and family – it’s the only way I grow and reach more people who might find value in what I have to say.
See you next week!
Best,
Dobri 🍃